Broken [Depressed!Reader x Spain]

I'm sorry Mr. Spain...
You've tried really hard to keep me smiling and happy.
But I fear that it is not enough, the nightmares and the pain have only become worse. I want to scream, I want to cry.
But at times it feels as if I have no mouth to voice my cries.

I have no mouth but I must scream!
Please let me scream!
Please let me cry!

[ That's all I want... ]

I'm happy to wake up each morning to hear your laughter and to earn a small loving smile that I've come to adore.
Mr. Romano has played a small part in bringing me momentary happiness.
But this happiness is a lie, this smile that I wear even now is a lie... I'm just hiding my pain.
Mr. Spain... I'm sorry.

I'm already too far gone.
I'm a broken human being so please leave me be.
I would like to fade away on my own.

My hands are shaky, the wounds that litter my arm are covered by bandages.
I must be sure to buy more...
The pain is not enough, I must have more.
To ignore the pain inside I must harm myself on the outside.

No one can see... the pain that I am in.
Not my mother, father or my siblings.
Not even my teachers or friends will voice their concerns about my health and mental stability.
Something is wrong... but not a single person cares enough to save me from myself.

I'm sorry Mr. Spain, I'm far too along to be saved.
I'm happy that I was able to meet you, that we were able to become friends.
I wonder... if I were not this way would you still help me? Would you still be my friend?

My right eye hurts Mr. Spain... the pain and the sting of air on my wound is uncomfortable.
My leg is going numb, my vision is now blurry.
My hands shake while my body trembles.
I need more bandages! I need more bandages!

[ Why wont the bleeding stop?! ]

To push the pain along I need to ignore my own cries.
What's wrong with me? What happened to make me this way?

Was it the drugs? Was it the violence?
What caused this?
What caused 'me' to stop being... 'me'?

I'm sorry Mr. Spain... I'm a lost cause.
Leave me alone... your happiness is making me feel sick.
Please... just leave me alone...

I do not want to be the reason for your smile to vanish.
I love your smile and I love your laugh... I just want you to have the happiness that I was not able to achieve.

Yet here I am, crying and screaming in your arms.
Holding me close and speaking in words that I cannot understand...
I cannot help but feel warm inside, sniffling and blubbering I cannot help but enjoy your company.

Thank you for saving me from myself.
Thank you for finding that small bit of light I had left in this dark hidden place in my heart.
I'm happy that you were here.

Because I too had forgotten that you have suffered.
So... just for a little while longer please let me stay by your side.
Allow me to take on a bit of your own suffering.

Because... maybe two broken people can help one another.
And become whole again.

So let's both agree to smile and laugh a little more.
And to live for one another...

Because... that's all it takes to make this broken person happy.